I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
