i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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