So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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