So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
