When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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