Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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