its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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