First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
should my penis look like a turkey
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
