Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
