meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
