I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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