how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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