I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
