As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
