I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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