Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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