bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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