NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
