She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
