May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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