Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
