my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
