you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
