I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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