its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
