Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
