yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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