Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
