we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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