Your face is a jimmy john
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
