The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My vagina is very pro this idea
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
