He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
