i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
