Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
