i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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