it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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