Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
