A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
