Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
