Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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