My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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