Can i not drive my cunt home
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
