it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
