I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
