What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
