I just saw a hot homeless man
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
