Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize