i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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