Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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