Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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