Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
