so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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