You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just found puke in my bra..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
