It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
