How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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