Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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