How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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