Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
