I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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