need another drink. this is the easiest way
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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