I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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