you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize