Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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