soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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