oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
