I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
