you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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